The Gottman Method

Learn more about our proven approach to relationship counseling

Close-up of a wristwatch with a black face and gold accents.

What is the Gottman Method?

The Gottman Method is a scientifically researched approach to couples counseling that focuses on improving communication, deepening emotional connection, and resolving conflict in a constructive way. Developed by Drs. John and Julie Gottman, this method is backed by decades of research on what makes relationships thrive. By teaching couples practical tools for managing conflict, enhancing intimacy, and building shared meaning, the Gottman Method helps partners rebuild and sustain healthy, loving relationships.

One of the key aspects of the Gottman Method is a framework that emphasizes trust, commitment, and positive communication. In therapy, couples learn how to turn toward each other, express their needs and emotions effectively, and handle disagreements with empathy and respect. The goal is to create lasting change by replacing negative patterns with new ways of connecting and understanding one another.

Whether you're dealing with everyday stressors or deep-rooted relationship challenges, the Gottman Method provides a clear path to healing and growth. Couples who commit to this process often find renewed hope and satisfaction in their relationship, leaving therapy with the confidence to face future challenges together.

The Gottman Method is an approach to couples therapy that includes a thorough assessment of the couple’s relationship and integrates research-based interventions. The Gottman Method aims to resolve conflicting verbal communication; increase intimacy, respect, and affection as well as dismantle barriers that create stagnancy, creating empathy and understanding within the relationship.

Quiet lakeside scene in Oregon, offering a sense of calm that mirrors the environment of family therapy sessions.

Assessment

Couples complete questionnaires and then receive detailed feedback on their relationship. The assessment scores a relationship’s strengths and challenges and provides specific recommendations for intervention.

Levels of The Gottman Method

Even couples with "normal" levels of conflict may benefit from the Gottman Method Couples Therapy. Gottman-trained therapists aim to help couples build stronger relationships overall and healthier ways to cope with issues as they arise in the future. 

  • Get to know your partner’s inner psychological world, their history, worries, stresses, hopes and joys.

  • The antidote for contempt, this level focuses on the amount of affection and respect within a relationship.

  • State your needs, be aware of bids for connection and respond to them. The small moments of everyday life are actually the building blocks of relationship.

  • The presence of a positive approach to problem-solving and the success of repair attempts.

  • We say "manage" conflict rather than "resolve" conflict, because relationship conflict is natural and has functional, positive aspects. Understand that there is a critical difference in handling perpetual problems and solvable problems.

  • Create an atmosphere that encourages each person to talk honestly about his or her hopes, values, convictions and aspirations.

  • Understand important visions, narratives, myths, and metaphors about your relationship.

  • This is the state that occurs when a person knows that his or her partner acts and thinks to maximize that person’s best interests and benefits, not just the partner’s own interests and benefits.

  • This means believing (and acting on the belief) that your relationship with this person is completely your lifelong journey, for better or for worse.It implies cherishing your partner’s positive qualities and nurturing gratitude.